1. |
Dreams
03:53
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Who am I to believe in fantasy
It's a wonder I can even dream
Knowing all the things that I have seen
But it's just a matter of my dreams
Bring me home some love I don't know
Fill in all of my heart's empty holes
Is there no one who can make me whole
Bring me home
When I try to share a piece
Of who I am with someone who I
Trust gets stronger but they always leave
Without leaving a god damn thing for me
Bring me home some love I don't know
Fill in all of my heart's empty holes
Is there no one who can make me whole
Bring me home
I find it hard to believe these kinds of things
But if you want to stay that's fine with me
And if you want to share your life with me
Well that's something that I've only seen
In my dreams
And I guess that I'll believe
And I must be a fool
'Cause I'm breaking all the rules
So if you think of me
As someone you can believe
Then I can fill in all these holes
And you can bring me home
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2. |
To Run Away
03:23
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I wake up in some random stranger's bed
And put on some random stranger's clothes
Living in some random stranger's home
I don't belong here
I don't recognize this hallway or this yard
I don't think that I could even afford it
It's too big for me to manage anyway
I don't belong here
And even if I made it out of this mess
Would they even remember my name
There are no clouds here I'm staring at the ceiling
There's nothing else to do I'm all alone
Another bottle spent on killing all these feelings
Am I insane I need a name to fill my skull
When you look to the sky there aren't any stars
Is it a sin to want to tear myself apart
Will I burn in hell for what I've played on my guitar
Well I don't think that there's anything that's worse than this
So please help me find the place
Where people remember my name
Now the road has opened up before me
And there isn't a damn place I couldn't go
But something inside me is forcing me to stay
A random stranger from a long time ago
I'm leaving him behind
I'm leaving him behind
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3. |
Stars on the Ceiling
03:02
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4. |
Please Let Me Down
04:04
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I never wanted to get high
I only wanted to feel better
And that's not something I remember
What it's like to feel fine
No I don't want to feel this way
I don't want this high to stay
So can I come down now
I want to come down now please
I know this is what I said I wanted
I didn't think it would be so hard
And now there's walls around my heart
And my thoughts are being haunted
No I don't want to feel this way
I don't want this high to stay
So can I come down now
I want to come down now please
I know I'm hopeless
But I can't do this
I'm not strong enough
To scratch the surface
I know I'm hopeless
But I can't do this
I'm not strong enough
To scratch the surface
No I don't want to feel this way
I don't want this high to stay
So can I come down now
I want to come down now please
No I don't want to feel this way
I don't want this high to stay
So can I come down now
I want to come down now please
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5. |
Survival
02:31
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6. |
Consequences
01:53
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I made a bad decision and you made one too
I thought the grass was greener I guess that's not true
And sometimes greener is not what's best for you
I'd rather be in the sand that's an option too
You're disgusting talking about them that way
They're the only family I have left
Now I'm on the pavement sleeping on couches and hotel rooms
When the money runs out the grass might make a nice bed
Smoking half-finished cigarettes out of the ashtray
Drinking fireball and throwing my life away
I need to find something to do to fill my day
They're calling me a faggot I'm trapped and I need to escape
You're disgusting talking about them that way
They're the only family I have left
Now I'm on the pavement sleeping on couches and hotel rooms
When the money runs out the grass might make a nice bed
Do you see what I'm going through
I'm not safe and I want to go home
The grass is better than nothing at all
There's nowhere I feel at home at all
I made a bad decision and you made one too
I thought the grass was greener I guess that's not true
And sometimes greener is not what's best for you
I'd rather be in the sand that's an option too
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7. |
Cure Me of Boredom
03:17
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It's not even good in the morning
Why do I do this to myself
When my only motivation is to sing
I ruin it just 'cause I'm here
Did I miss any overwatch patches
Did I miss out on anything else
Why doesn't anyone do their own dishes
Why do I have to do everything myself
Cigarettes cure me of boredom
At least it's something to do
Even if it makes me feel like shit
At least it's something to do
I'm pushing myself with this music
Writing from my head not my heart
Inspiration comes from replacing my self-harm
Regardless I'm falling apart
I'm begging for some recognition
I want people to listen to me
But why do I want it when I'm stuck in here
Help me get to where I want to be
Cigarettes cure me of boredom
At least it's something to do
Even if it makes me feel like shit
At least it's something to do
I want to play shows
I want to record
I want to play with a band
I want to tour
And I want to quit smoking
But I don't have any fans
Cigarettes cure me of boredom
At least it's something to do
Even if it makes me feel like shit
At least it's something to do
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8. |
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I was almost one of those kids
Who died before their parents
I'm bleeding through my clothes
Last night was something careless
I let someone convince me
What I believed was true
I didn't want to do it
Well maybe just a few
I didn't think it would be this bad
And I'm still afraid to talk about it
I'll blame the stains on the strawberries
And I'll medicate with cigarettes
I don't want to go outside
'Cause then everyone would see
I don't want to even move
Or else I'll start to bleed
I don't want you to enable me
I don't want to live in fear
I don't even want to be alive
What am I doing here
I didn't think it would be this bad
And I'm still afraid to talk about it
I'll blame the stains on the strawberries
And I'll medicate with cigarettes
You know I couldn't do it
Even when I tried
Why would you waste your money
Why would you waste your time
And yet I'm still alive
And I guess I want to be
I'm just tired of this feeling
I'm lost in my disease
I didn't think it would be this bad
And I'm still afraid to talk about it
I'll blame the stains on the strawberries
And I'll medicate with cigarettes
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9. |
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It's time to leave behind all the drugs I never tried
It's time to leave behind all the friends that made me want to die
It's time to leave behind all the things I told myself
To justify what happened to me it doesn't serve me anymore
It's time to leave behind all the time I fucking wasted
I can't turn back time all I have is today
And all that I can change is what I do in this moment
So I'll let my past be what it is
I can't take back anything I've said or anything I've done
But I can make amends to all the people that I've hurt
Even the people I can't talk to anymore
By being the person that I should have been
I want to leave behind all my ties to the world
I want to find spiritual enlightenment
If I want to change the world then I can't do that
I just want all these feelings to go away
I don't want to live in fear that cops are going to kill me
But I still have to be careful cause if I'm not then they just might
My fears keep me safe even if I don't like them
I want to run awa but instead I'll learn to live alongside them
I can't take back anything I've said or anything I've done
But I can make amends to all the people that I hurt
Even the people I can't talk to anymore
By being the person that I should have been
I can finally say I love you to my mom and really mean it
I can finally say my dad is not the perfect person I thought he was
I can finally cry again and I'm finally healing
Until I run away again and end up back in treatment
All the drugs I never tried might come along to fuck up my life
Maybe someone else might come along and make me want to die
Maybe I'll get hurt again and try to justify it
I'll let my future be just what it is
I'll let my future be just what it is
I'll let my future be just what it is
I'll let my future be just what it is
I'll let my past just be what it is
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10. |
Fuck Yourself
01:42
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11. |
What They've Become
02:38
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Feed me a diet of pills and propaganda
Make me how the world thinks that I should be
Push me until I break under the pressure
Tell me what's supposed to matter to me
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
Everyone has to face a decision
Who are you going to be
The person society forces on you
Or who you are genuine and free
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
No these kids don't know what they've become
If that's not me
Well then what makes me so special
I lost myself too
Maybe just maybe
I don't know what I've become
I don't know what I've become
I don't know what I've become
I don't know what I've become
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12. |
Foreshadowing
02:03
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Singing about recovery
Drinking after the show
Thinking about what I've done
Smoking another bowl
Maybe this new lifestyle
Will fuck up my life
But as for now
I feel alright
Back when I was younger
I promised I'd abstain
But it sure is a lot of fun
To burn holes in my brain
And burn holes in my lungs
Burn every cent I have
And burn down a police station
Burn everything I can
Before we learn our lessons
Let's take another hit
Let's keep on going 'till we see
Just how bad things can get
If anything should indicate
What will happen next
Everything will fall apart
Into a nasty mess
If I go back to rehab
Tell all my friends I'm dead
Because when I get cleaned up
I won't see them again
But until that day arrives
I won't be thinking twice
At every opportunity
I will roll the dice
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13. |
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Sometimes I want to change
The decisions I've made
But they all got me
To where I am today
In my mind I've escaped
This broken society
As I drive down the freeway
I am finally free
I've got nowhere to go but forward
I'm never looking back
I made it to the place where I belong
I stopped resenting surviving my attempts
To bring my life to an end
I'm glad I stuck around long enough
To see what happens next
And so I will be singing
Until my last breath
Or else I'm giving up
On all of my friends
Because the revolution
Happens every time
Misfits like us stay alive
When everyone wants us to die
I've got nowhere to go but forward
I'm never looking back
I made it to the place where I belong
I stopped resenting surviving my attempts
To bring my life to an end
I'm glad I stuck around long enough
To see what happens next
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14. |
My Idea of Romance
03:35
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I got hash that looks like heroin the closest thing that I could get my hands on
The legal drugs were the only ones I ever had the guts to try
A tank full of gasoline and an empty pack of cigarettes
Sixteen hours to your house and I can't even remember your name
I pissed myself just as I crossed the Colorado state line
I ran a red light in Denver with a cop right behind me
I smoked a couple bowls in the car on the seventy east
Twenty four hours to your house and I can't even pronounce your name
If you can tolerate
The mess I've made
Of what used to be my life
Maybe we could get along
I just met you and I'm already in love
Why do I have to catch feelings so fast
Kiss me in the rain at the pride parade
Didn't think that this would happen not like I had any plans
I've known you for a couple days and I'm madly in love
Why do my feelings have to be so strong
Fuck me in your friend's apartment while she sleeps in her room
Don't think about your future not like I had any plans
I fell in love with a girl in Denver
I fell in love with a girl in Kansas
I fell in love with an enby in Belgium
Why does everyone I love live so far away
What's a love that isn't worth someone who lives a thousand miles away
Seeing you was worth the gas money if only for a day
What's a love that isn't worth someone who lives a thousand miles away
Seeing you was worth the gas money if only for a day
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15. |
Drive
02:32
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I'll change the pronouns in a song to make it gay
Sing a harmony it sounds okay
One hand on the wheel the other out the window
Eyes on the road searching for something real
The static in my mind is interrupting
My song and it is all about you
I can't keep rolling along without someone by my side
So just take the wheel and drive
The DJ says that I should buy a car
Well I'm too busy hiding scars
Sell me insurance tell me that life is cool
She don't know shit about what we've been through
The static in my mind is interrupting
My song and it is all about you
I can't keep rolling along without someone by my side
So just take the wheel and drive
Yeah just take the wheel and drive
Sometimes I just disappear
I let something take me home when I'm not really here
Sometimes I feel so small
I wonder what it's like when I feel nothing at all
The static in my mind is interrupting
My song and it is all about you
I can't keep rolling along without someone by my side
So just take the wheel and drive
Yeah just take the wheel and drive
Yeah just take the wheel and drive
Oh just take the wheel and drive
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16. |
For Ivan
03:11
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Two broken down cars keeping us apart
We were gonna sing a song together
Four cancelled tour dates in four different states
We were gonna play a show together
But I went home and I didn't get to see you
God just laughed at my plans
I drove across the country thinking I would meet you
The gods fucked up all my plans
I fell asleep crying and I woke up on my friend's couch
I'm scared that I would lose him too
I feel so distant from everyone who loves me
I'm scared that I might lose them too
I've been smoking so much and tearing up my throat
I'll smoke until I can't breathe
I've been spending all my money on weed and cigarettes
I'll smoke until I can't breathe
Home is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
Love is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
If you're out there I hope you're doing better
Don't give up even if you're dead
If you're out there I hope you're staying sober
Don't pick up even if you're dead
Home is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
Love is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
If you're out there I hope you're doing better
Don't give up even if you're dead
If you're out there I hope you're staying sober
Don't pick up even if you're dead
Home is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
Love is something you've been having trouble finding
I've been having trouble too
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Chloe Defector Cortland, New York
another folk punk solo project that nobody asked for
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