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I had so much potential
Or at least that's what I was told
I guess I'm just not cut out
For living in this world
I couldn't meet what was expected of me
We're not supposed to be what we're supposed to be
But if I had my way I would have done what they asked
To get the weight of their demands off my back
When the dust is down, and the storm clears out
What would they think of me now
I had a revolution in my heart
I had a full set of unbroken teeth
I didn't have quite so many scars
I didn't have this dependency
This fight has taken a lot out of me
If I did nothing I don't know where I would be
Stick up for your chosen family
Don't you know that nothing in life is free
So don't give up until we've won
This is our home, isn't that worth fighting for
Who among us has nothing to lose
Who among us is done being abused
We might be killed for breaking the rules
But this is our home and we're done being used
Don't give up until we've won
This is our home, isn't that worth fighting for
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I don't believe you when you say you love me
I feel like I don't deserve it, the one you love isn't me
I don't know why I can't accept you love me
I feel safer isolated, I feel like I'm hurting you
She loved me when I didn't love myself and I drove her away
I was alone and I made myself that way
I thought I could disappear and no one would notice
I couldn't even when I tried, I'm not sure how I survived
Scorched Earth behind me starting over
I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know where I belong
But I am unapologetically myself
So when you say you love me now I will believe you
And I think I finally love myself
I think I finally love myself
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3. |
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My blood pressure drops as the high wears off
My back slides down the wall
I know it wasn't worth it no I wasn't satisfied
I'm playing games with death
You and I both know that when I say I'm sorry
It doesn't mean a thing
I know that I fucked up I know that this is painful
I mean it when I say I want to change
And right now I can't help but feeling
Like I'm just saying this because I'm dope sick
But I have to stop getting high before I fucking die
No reservations this time
I just wanted to get high I didn't give a shit for my own safety
But I guess it didn't matter with how suicidal I've been lately
Cause I'm picking little bits of crystal meth out of my carpet
That my plug spilled while we were smoking and snorting it in desperation
So as not to have to come down
I can't believe myself
And right now I can't help but feeling
Like I'm just saying this because I'm dope sick
But I don't know what the fuck I'm doing
I don't want to die like this
And sometimes I still feel hopeless
But I've been listening to my friends
I have to stop getting high before I fucking die
No reservations this time
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4. |
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5. |
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Freedom isn't free in fact it costs a lot of money
Someone else gets rich while you work hard
Capitalism is an inescapable global parasite
They'll threaten you to participate or fucking starve
So stay on your parents insurance for as long as you can
Vote if it makes you feel better
Get a job at a bank if the opportunity comes up
We all have to survive somehow
Here's to all the people who grew up in a house
And realistically will never own one
Here's to all those who grew up with nothing much at all
And to those who lost their loved ones
We all deserve better than this
Than this stupid fucking anti capitalist
Folk punk song that we'll sing on the barricades
So stay on your parents insurance for as long as you can
Vote if it makes you feel better
Get a job at a bank if the opportunity comes up
We all have to survive somehow
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7. |
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8. |
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9. |
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Can I bum a cigarette and do you want to be best friends
Do you want to hang out tonight it's new year's eve and I have no plans
Do you mind if I spend the night I don't know why I can't stop crying
I don't know why I can't stay clean I swear to you that I am trying
I asked if I could borrow a sweater
And you said this is your favorite one
You said that I could keep it now I wear it all the time
When I miss you
You said you didn't want me to die well I don't want you to either
We're two hopeless junkies telling each other to stay sober
Well we made it out alive yeah we're still breathing
I'll miss you when you move back to Salt Lake City
I asked if I could borrow a sweater
And you said this is your favorite one
You said that I could keep it now I wear it all the time
When I miss you
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10. |
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I've been smoking spliffs to cut down on the tobacco I've been smoking
And I've been smoking a new stain
It's called super sour diesel it's been getting me out of bed
I haven't had a good sativa in a while
It reminds me of the pineapple express
That I smoked when I first got into it
When every fade was an experience
That I would never forget, now it's just green tobacco
I've been getting sick of drinking and tweaking and getting sick
Of smoking out of this plastic piece of shit
That I made out of a maple syrup bottle
I haven't left my apartment in a while
My tolerance is up my mood is down
But I'm coming around
My room's a mess and the trash is overflowing
I'm a mess but I think I'm making progress
'Cause I didn't get drunk today I wasn't doing meth
I haven't had this much clean time in a while
But does it still count as sobriety
If I've still been smoking weed
It's a drug as much as anything else
But I don't think it matters 'cause to me it's green tobacco
I've been getting better, better than I've ever felt before
Now I can be there for my friends
'Cause they were there for me when I needed help
When I wasn't feeling like myself
I can't seem to settle down
But I'm coming around
So when I step out for a cigarette
But it doesn't quite smell like it
Feel free to ask me for a hit
I'm happy to share 'cause it's just green tobacco
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11. |
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A pipe between my lips is the barrel of a gun
Every crystal is a bullet I pull the trigger as I light the torch
Filling myself with lead to try and fill the holes in my head
Only to burn more of my life away
Playing Russian roulette with fate
Nothing was ever enough to satisfy me
I wanted more, I wanted more, I wanted more
I don't know what I want but it isn't this
I don't know what I want but it isn't this
In a moment I let go, in the next I'm going back
I can't stop seeking out that icy heart attack
This will be the death of me but at least I don't want to die
At least as long as I can still get high
But was it ever worth it when every single time
It made me fucking miserable
Nothing was ever enough to satisfy me
I wanted more, I wanted more, I wanted more
I don't know what I want but it isn't this
I don't know what I want but it isn't this
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12. |
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Is that how people see me
Like a villain in a movie
Is that how people see me
Like I'm fucking crazy
Is that how people see me
Like I'm retarded and lazy
Is that how people see me
I just want to be seen
My existence is stigmatized
It's gonna make me lose my mind
My existence is stigmatized
It's gonna make me lose my mind
Is that how people see me
When they call me faggot on the street
Is that how people see me
Like some worthless junkie
Is that how people see me
Like I'm dangerous or creepy
Is that how people see me
I just want to be seen
My existence is stigmatized
It's gonna make me lose my mind
My existence is stigmatized
It's gonna make me lose my mind
I don't want to be like them
I just want to be treated with respect
I don't want to be like them
I just want to be treated with respect
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more
I am so much more than you think
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My third full length album, featuring songs about battling with addiction, recovering from trauma, and building a life worth living.
released September 27, 2019
Self produced, recorded at a sober living house in Fountain Valley and my partner's car.
