1. |
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The isolation is getting to me
I want to get away I want to leave
I want to be anywhere but here
I've been stuck up in my head
wishing things were better and wishing I was dead
Always feeling so overwhelmed with fear
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
but I want to be with you
I'm the observer and the subject the illusion of myself
I'm a failure I'm a fuck up and my soul is damned to hell
and I still can't stop blaming myself
for the ways that other people hurt me
We know we're dying young so we're living fast and loud
screaming fuck the police fuck the system burn it down
and I don't want to live but I don't want to die
I just want to burn it all to the ground
I'm so sick of overthinking
I just want to feel alive
I'm so sick of searching for meaning
I just want to feel alive
Another shot of whiskey to forget how much it hurts
and another cigarette to make me feel worse
and enough weed so that I don't feel anything
'till they put me in the dirt
I don't know how to act my age
and I sure as hell don't have my priorities straight
but fuck it I was already fucked anyway
How could this possibly get worse
I'm so sick of overthinking
I just want to feel alive
I'm so sick of searching for meaning
I just want to be alive
I can't keep going on like this I need to slow down
take a second to heal and figure shit out
I'm running out of options and I'm running out of hope
and I'm so tired of ending up alone
We were living fast and loud but death is never easy
so for the ones who didn't make it I'll always be singing
Fuck the police! Fuck the system! Burn it down! Burn it down!
Fuck the police! Fuck the system! Burn it down!
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2. |
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I meant to put oil in the car this morning
breaking down on interstate 70 east
going broke just to end up in Grainfield Kansas
I could afford to ride the greyhound at least
I don't want to go home
but I couldn't survive out on my own
I meant to clean up this mess in my apartment
a tangible representation of what's going on in my head
Now I'm coming down curled up in a pile of garbage
trying to forget the pain of grieving a friend
I don't want to wake up tomorrow
but I couldn't any sleep anyway
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3. |
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I am lost inside my own head
buried underneath the existential dread
I try to find myself
I get self obsessed
I get so self centered
I get so depressed
I look to the sky and there aren't any stars
Is it a sin to tear myself apart
I try to find a reason
to keep myself alive
just one single reason
to get me through the night
Blood streams down my arm
dripping from my fingertips
I've lost count of the times
I keep coming back to this
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4. |
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I'm trying to conjure up some fire
'cause I think I'm all burnt out
I don't want to go to sleep
I want to get away from this hostile fucking town
If I could do anything I wanted
I'd get in a car and drive
never looking back, never coming home again
If I stay in one place for too long I lose my mind
I'm still trying to figure out how to exist
I'm still trying to figure out how to get through the day without
hurting myself and the people around me
I feel dead I feel like a zombie
I can't take another second
of being face to face with how I feel
My sense of self fragmented
I barely even know what's real
I am a rope in tug of war
pulled back and forth between two broken homes
between two versions of myself the masks I hide behind
fighting each other for control
I'm still trying to figure out how to exist
I'm still trying to figure out how to get through the day
without hurting myself and the people around me
I feel dead I feel like a zombie
dragging my feet
towards my grave
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5. |
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I took it all for granted
I wasted so much time
I spent my second chances
getting drunk and getting high
These days I keep my head down
my mouth shut, my weapons close
I try not to stand out
I can't let anybody to know
who I am
The only time I step outside is to get groceries
and I barely feed myself anyway
The only time I speak is when I'm spoken to
and I just want these people to shut up and go away
I feel so vulnerable I feel so scared
The world is burning and nobody cares
Things keep getting worse at the years go by
I get the feeling we're running out of time
Today I've got this empty bottle and this headache
and another 3 days of regret
Yesterday drinking whiskey like it's water
first so that I could function, then so I could forget
I have no future and I'm haunted by the past
I don't know how much longer I can last
I expected that I'd be dead by now
and I get the feeling that my time is running out
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6. |
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I listen to my dead friends sing about dying
while I pace back and forth till I feel like crying
but the tears won't come
I'm too broken, too numb
I know you're still haunting this plane of existence
I know you've still got some unfinished business
so I'll still invite you along for the ride
Life goes on
when I don't want to believe you're really gone
Life goes on and on and on and on and on
I use the broken shards of my heart
To cut myself open take myself apart
Trying to figure out what's wrong with me
But I can't put myself back together again
Is this how I'm spending the time I've got left
So disconnected, broken and incomplete
And life goes on
Whether I'm in denial or I'm moving on
Life goes on and on and on
I'm running in circles
inside my head
I'm running in circles
inside my head
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7. |
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A sound, a sound, from outside
A threat, a threat, to my life
I can't sleep, I won't sleep, until sunrise
The noise, the noise, in my head
making me wish that I was dead
The fear, the fear, it rattles my bones
I cut my skin and I smash my skull
Stay awake, stay awake
I can't sleep, it's not safe
Stay awake, stay awake
I can't sleep, it's not safe
The memories, the memories
they fill my head, my muscles freeze
My self destructive tendencies
The drugs that put my mind at ease
A sound, a sound, from outside
A threat, a threat, to my life
I won't sleep until sunrise
I can't sleep until sunrise
Stay awake, stay awake
I can't sleep, it's not safe
Stay awake, stay awake
I can't sleep, it's not safe
I can't take it anymore
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8. |
Liar Liar
03:04
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I lie to myself
'till I start to believe it
I lie to myself
so I can sleep at night
I lie to myself
that things are getting better
I lie to myself
that I'll be alright
I lie to myself
when I think I've got it good
I lie to myself
when I think I've got it bad
I lie to myself
when I say I'm not scared
I lie to myself
when I say I'm not sad
When the truth catches up to me
I fall apart
I lie to myself
when I'm playing these games
I lie to myself
when I'm singing my songs
I lie to myself
as I crack another beer
I lie to myself
as I'm ripping this bong
When the truth catches up to me
I fall apart
I've been lying to myself
for so long I don't know the truth
I've been lying to myself
for so long I don't know the truth
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9. |
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I'm wound up tight
pretty soon I'm gonna break
so I drink too loosen up
but I only seal my fate
40 ounces deep
I still can't get any sleep
Maybe it's my anxiety
Maybe it's the lsd
They say be careful what you wish for
well I wish to fucking die
I get so sick of feeling
so I drink every night
Well there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm supposed to be
My brain tells me I'm worthless
It says I'm a mistake
the family disappointment
I only ever feel shame
Well now I've got nothing to hide
but these thoughts of suicide
I'm screaming into an echo chamber
a reflection of my sick brain
I've had a death wish for so long
It's driving me insane
I'm still chasing that feeling
that I found once before
This used to make me feel something
but it's not working anymore
I know I should let go
I'm so scared of the unknown
I'm screaming into an echo chamber
a reflection of my sick brain
I've had a death wish for so long
I don't think I can escape my fate
I let my dead leaves fall to the ground
I trim away my withered branches
until there is nothing left but roots
Pull me from the soil and plant me somewhere new
I want to live
I want to grow
I want to be here
with you
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Chloe Defector Cortland, New York
another folk punk solo project that nobody asked for
Chloe Defector recommends:
Substrate Vibrations
by Spud Bugs
I play banjo in this band sometimes
go to album
Trash Van: Repurposed. Like New.
by Trashy P & Frenz
Always gonna be my favorite band of all time
go to albumIf you like Chloe Defector, you may also like:
FIGHT LIKE HELL recordings from 2004-2007
by Johnny Hobo and the Freight Trains
supported by 9 fans who also own “Swan Song”
This album is like cracking a cold 40 of steel reserve after fighting in a parking lot at 3 in the morning. If you could bottle youth it would be hard to get a better brew than this.
go to album
supported by 8 fans who also own “Swan Song”
pigeon pit as a band has single-handedly changed my life. no other band has had me elated and crying my heart out so much at the same time. seeing them live may have changed me as a person. so much love <3
go to album
Colossally good New Wave out of Portland, with the nerviness of Kleenex poured into hooky pop songs.
go to album
The Corruption of What Cheer?
by Jane Doe Ensemble
Restless, agitated no wave for modern times built around razor-sharp guitar and roiling percussion from Jane Doe Ensemble.
go to album
